It’s hard enough to crack a glass ceiling without having to worry about ‘how she got there,’ ‘is she going to make it,’ ‘does she even have the experience?’. Every woman knows capability is imperative to achieve professional milestones, including workplace success and personal satisfaction.
The one common theme I’ve heard over and over from women on their climb up the corporate ladder, is a persistent lack of self-confidence. Not every woman has experienced this, but in my 15+ year career, it stands out clearly as the one major concern affecting many women I have met.
There is good news though- this can change! I know as I’ve seen it with many of my clients. It requires drive and determination but most importantly, it requires a mindset shift. Confidence isn’t something you receive from outside. It is something that lies within yourself (albeit dormant for some) just waiting to be tapped.
By following a few simple starter steps, you can boost your inner confidence.
Empower Positive Self-Talk
You own your narrative. Is it positive or negative? A positive narrative moves you ahead while a negative narrative holds you back. If you are constantly criticizing yourself or getting yourself down, know that’s your fear speaking. Whenever someone is afraid, feels vulnerable or insecure, a negative inner voice kicks in. This is just how we protect ourselves from what we think may be a challenging or stressful situation. The key to understanding this is that your brain cannot differentiate between a challenging (think imagined situation) or a dangerous (life-threatening) situation. Also, notice the context of when the negative inner voice creeps in. When does it usually happen? Once you start acknowledging it, YOU can disarm it.
Meeting with stakeholders, voicing your point of view, discussing your career, asking for a pay raise, etc. will not ‘kill’ you. When we take control of our thoughts and shape our inner voice to be a positive one (one that is asking us “what if success was guaranteed in this situation?”) our behavior and actions start aligning with our visions and goals.
Stop Comparing, Full Stop. Find Champions Instead
Ok, you have heard this enough, but it bears repeating over and over. Comparing yourself to others will not help you one bit as they are merely excuses designed to keep you right where you are. When you feel this coming on, stop and ask yourself: “Is this person moving me closer or away from my professional goals? Who are the people in my office (and life!) that are supportive, positive and will help me nurture my dreams and goals? How can I spend more time with them?” Find champions, mentors, and allies at work and surround yourself with supportive family, friends, and cheerleaders. Learn from them, and you will start to notice a mindset change immediately.
Your Strengths Define You
Using clarity and inner focus, you must know the direction you wish to take. From here you will need to work on your foundation. Someone once told me to picture confidence as a table. The tabletop is confidence whilst being supported by the four legs. Now picture each leg sitting strong as one of your strengths. What are the strengths you have which support the table-top? What have you been consistently commended for in your career? What are you good at? What makes you powerful and unique?
Keep your focus on what you are great at, not what you may perceive as a shortcoming. I like to use Clifton Strengths Finder assessment with my clients, and they also have an introductory, high-level assessment tool.
The Attack of the ‘What-Ifs’ Leading to the ‘Timing Needs to be Perfect’
Think back to that table-top. ‘What-ifs’ and waiting for the perfect time to do something is equivalent to shaking the legs of that table. This will rock your beliefs, cast doubt in your thinking and cause your foundation to become unstable. Every time you hear your inner voice say: “what if…. I fail”; “what if… I am not qualified enough”; “what if… now is not the right time to go for that promotion”; change that thinking to “I will.” Don’t let thoughts of how to approach things, how to conduct a meeting, or worry from anxiety at the thought of adding your voice to a discussion stand in the way.
Speak Now and Forever Be Resilient
Put bluntly, open your mouth and say something. Anyone who has pushed forward has spoken up, presented their ideas or concerns and took that chance to make their mark. You might be pleasantly surprised to hear that your opinion matters and the people listening recognize your confidence. I recently heard a great tip from a female CEO telling women to stop taking notes at meetings and be prepared to engage (you can record the session if your organization allows and you want notes). When you do speak up, yes, there may be people who doubt you, but that should in no way shape or form stop you from speaking up and doing what you believe in. To hear criticism only means that you’ve got people thinking. Stay focused and forge ahead. And remember, you don’t get what you don’t ask for.
Today is your day. Own your narrative, walk the talk and let your confidence shine through!
Contact me to discuss how I can support you on any of the above tips.